Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Green Thumbin'

I need to update you all on something in my life that is half tragic and half a blessing. I'll call it, The Death of My Garden.

Some of you may know I worked for an elderly couple, George and Jane Korver,  while I lived in Marshall. I mowed six acres of lawn, scooped algae off the pond with rake, became pretty swift with a weed whacker and tended the biggest most beautiful garden in the world. All those tasks were grand, however the best thing about the job was hands down that garden. George grew everything: corn, snow peas, yellow potatoes, red potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, cucumbers, lettuce, red onions, yellow onions, summer squash, pumpkins, watermelon, cantelope, garlic, asparagus...you name it he grew it. It was awesome. I always had fresh vegetables, canned pickles, homemade sauces, salsas...the list goes on and on.

Anyway, the Korver's lit a fuse in me and ignited my love for gardening. So when Michael T. started living at Grandma's with all that potential growing space I got realllll pumped. I asked Grandma Agnes if I could have a garden and she got real excited too I think.

So, I began planning, and planting. I bought these little seed tray greenhouse thingers that you put a seed in then put the plastic cover on and then they grow before you put them in the ground. They are honestly necessary if you try and plant a garden up in these parts. We had snow til April this year so you can imagine the soil temp. Poor little seedlings can't wear gloves or coats so they freeze to death. At first I kept the seed trays at home and would come home at lunch and stare at them hoping they'd gotten bigger. The lighting in my apartment blows a little bit, so I made an executive decision and brought them to my office where they grew and grew and grew. I had tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, green beans and morning glories all greenifying my office.

One day Michael and Mick and Sandy went to town doing some yardwork and Michael plowed up a small space for me to have a garden. It looked great! My garden was taking shape, hot dog! The next day I transplanted my office buddy seedlings along with potatoes  and onions, into my garden. At first nothing grew but weeds, but when I came back a few weeks later, BAM! We were in growing business!! I had a few challenges dealing with Michael's pets (those darn deer) so we (Mick and I) put up a redneck fence that only covered 5/8s of the garden. We used some corral gates on the other 3/8, that's why it was redneck. I also told Mick he could pee on the garden whenever he liked (Michael's pets don't like human peepee).

So yeah, the garden was awesome. Completely full of weeds, but still awesome.  That was...until one fateful day, something very tragic happened. A man came to beautify Grandma's yard by chopping down all the trees around the quanset and the garage. It was close quarters and my garden is right behind the garage, and would really benefit from less keeping the warm sun out. So Mr. Man is back there doing "get-trees-out-of the ground" things when suddenly, he gets his Bobcat stuck in mud big time. He was surrounded on all sides by quanset, garage, and more trees. He had no where to turn. Exceppptttt......

(you guessed it, right through the garden).

Can you please take a moment of silence for my cucumbers, green beans, tomatoes, red and yellow potatoes, peppers and onions.

Luckily, I had planted some seeds in buckets on the deck. When I planted the seeds I thought they were tomatoes and peppers. Only peppers. At least I have something growing. Anyone wanna make pepper-flavored vodka with me?

And all is not lost. Next year, I'll have much more sunlight for my little plantings, and this time next year I'll have an abundance of veggies. I'll probably share with people who are really nice to me and give me nice things like a new rifle or cowboy boots or hunting gear (that's you, Michael). I also take cash, check or visa.

EJo: Good luck at school, I'm glad you got to go back to school shopping.
Megan B.: Hurry up and move here already. I'm DVRing Kim Kardashian's wedding for you tonight so we can watch it sunday.
Tibs: I've really gotten a crap ton of compliments on my haircut. I think you're hired for life.
Anyone who wants to become a Saints Booster Club member: Call me. 605-229-8378.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

225 Million Big Ones

225 Million. Dollars. Big Ones. Buckaroos.

That's the lottery tonight. Holy Cow. Do you know what I could do with 225 million dollars!? Well funny that you asked because I think about winning the lottery EVERY STINKIN DAY!

So, let me tell you what I would spend my winnings on :)

1. Student Loans. Did any of you think I would pay for anything else first? I complain about them more than I complain about the price of gas, the idiots I work with, and the price of tea in China. So right away, I'll knock out that 40k. Take that Federal Government! I'll probably pay for my sister's loans too. Maybe my brother's also, but he really has to suck up to me.  Lately Patty Cakes has been a disgusting puke to me (and I even gave him my sweet blue chair for his dorm, rude!)

2. My parent's house and any debt they have. My parents are amazing. All throughout my childhood both my mom and dad worked at least two jobs to take care of Erin, Pat and myself. Seriously, they gave us anything. We all participated in club sports, spent entire weekends in hotels and gyms, and they did it all knowing they would do even more for us if we asked. I seriously feel so blessed to have Karl with a K and Mary Linda for parents. And now, I think they're even cooler. I mean my mom loves drinking bloody mary's with me now and my dad loves gardening. They're awesome! And they don't need to worry about money anymore. They've worried long enough. Side note: my dad wants to go back to school to be a physical therapy assistant. If he does, I'd pay for that too. But only if he still wanted to. I mean naturally I'm going to give my parents an allowance so they won't ever have to work again unless they choose too. They could just retire and do retirement things. Like golf and read Martha Stewart magazine (that's a joke, Mary Linda hates Martha).

3. Pay for a better library at SMSU, and a new curtain in the gym. Ok spending 4.5 years at a school I realized some improvements could be made. Such as a waaaaayyyyy bigger library (reading books makes you smarter people). I'd also put a curtain in the RA facility. See it's hard to focus at basketball practice when softball is screwing around on the south end of the gym, baseball is fondling one another at the other end and wrestling is giving piggy back rides to one another around the track (i mean that in itself is distracting!). I'd probably also give a huge chunk of change to Kelly Loft, the best Sports Information Director in the world who taught me everything I know, and an even bigger chunk to all the women's athletic teams. Let's face it girls, we still get the shaft (that's what she said).

4. Play Monopoly. Buy up a bunch a land baby!!! Then put houses and hotels on it and charge people a $100 rent like on Park Place. That's a joke there, I'd charge $200. Ok seriously thought, I'd buy land everywhere I could. Specifically Sodak, Montana, Iowa and Scotland. Yes, Scotland. I want to have my own home overseas where I can just hop on a jumbo jet and get away from everything. The other three are just so farmers can rent the land from me. Ok secretly I want my old roommate to farm the land for me, and then I'd be the boss and he'd have to listen to me. Muahhahaha. :)

5. Donate to lots of charities. These days, everyone needs money. And I truthfully don't think I should be the only one to benefit from my hypothetical winnings. So I'll give a bunch to Susan G. Komen in honor of one of the most amazing women I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, Margie Thiel McDermott, some to Livestrong, some to SmileTrain, and probably some to whomever asks. Remember this people, YOU ONLY GET WHAT YOU GIVE. Sharing means caring.

Ok that's about all I have to say about winning the lottery. Fingers crossed it happens.

Oh p.s. it's my old roommates birthday on Friday. Happy Birthday ya big hairy sexy beast. May all your dreams come true or something.


Grandma Milly: I'm sorry you've had eye problems lately. I hope you feel better soon!

Megan Betz: Hurry up and move here already.

Woman Security Guard at PC: I love how tough and manly you look, but I love it even more when I catch you smoking a cig in your convertible and reading Cosmo.